Dialogue Part 2

LEARNING TO LISTEN...  LISTENING TO LEARN

   * Listen with a "beginner's mind"

      -- open, receptive, eager, curious, teachable.

   * Focus more on learning what you don't know

      than telling what you do know.

          ... LISTENING TO UNDERSTAND

          * Try to understand what another is trying to say.

          * See "what's true" in other's comments, not "what's wrong."

                   ... VULNERABLE LISTENING

                   * Listen without resisting.

                   * Listen without defending a position

                      or needing to fix anything.

                   * Be open -- willing to be influenced by what you hear.

 

  SUSPENDING JUDGMENT...

  * Listen w/o judging everything as "right or wrong," "good or bad."

  * Stay in the question.  Release the need for closure or agreement.

     Refrain from specific agendas or objectives.

     Defer decisions and action to another time.

  * Hold positions & certainties "lightly."  Open yourself up.

     Let go of the need to "be right" or to be "better than other."

  * Hear everything as "here & now" -- that is, hear other's (& your)

        comments as: "Right now this is what I think / feel / believe...." 

     See everything as temporary, in a process of growth & change.

        

         INQUIRING & REFLECTING...  Ask yourself questions, like

         * What is the meaning & significance of this?

         * How do things relate, or fit together?

         * What is it I don't know about this?  What are we not seeing?

            What's missing to complete this picture?  How can we look at        this differently?  What questions are we not asking?

         * What are the assumptions?

         * What do I find surprising?

         * What does nature teach us about this?

         * What about other cultures?  .... historical contexts?

         * What am I feeling right now?  Why?

 

  FINDING YOUR AUTHENTIC VOICE...  your unique voice

  * Speak from the heart.

  * Voice questions, uncertainties, & feelings as well as ideas & beliefs.

  * Speak for yourself, as one accountable, without blaming.

  * Speak from personal experience.

  * Use "I" statements.

                    

                     BECOMING SELF-AWARE...

                     * Of your thought processes, your assumptions,

                        your feelings.

                     * Of being a part of the whole...

                             & of your unique contributions.                            

CONDITIONS FOR DIALOGUE

                     * Safety....  including freedom of choice.

   * Respect....   to "look again."

   * Open-mindedness....   willingness to consider                                                  other possibilities, other ways of seeing things.

                     * Authenticity....   & willingness to participate.

INTENTIONS

* Hear every voice.                              "Dialogue is a conversation    

* See others as peers.               with a center, not sides."

* Appreciate difference.             Dialogue and the Art of Thinking

* Speak from the heart.             Together    -- by William Isaacs

             THE OBJECT, more than knowledge & learning,

             IS AWARENESS....  & TRANSFORMATION.

              * To know oneself more deeply.

             * To understand, accept, & appreciate others.

             * To see connections, relationships, the whole.

             * To be... think... relate... & create... together.

WE ACHIEVE THIS

* Through silence & sharing       There is a way between voice and

   space/time together.              presence where information flows.

* By slowing down.                   In disciplined silence it opens. 

* By vulnerable listening.          With wandering talk it closes.

* Through personal inquiry                                          -- Rumi

   & reflection.

* By examining assumptions.

* By suspending judgment.

* By speaking from the heart.

         * By practicing, reflecting, sharing, practicing, reflecting, sharing.

                       "Perfection is not the issue in circle: 

                         Practice is enough."       

                   Calling the Circle -- The First and Future Culture

                                                        -- by Christina Baldwin

AGREEMENTS                                        

* Sit in a circle.

* Speak one person at a time.

* Speak to the center, or to the whole circle.

* Honor the person holding the "talking stick."

* Use pauses, silence, & the talking stick

   -- to slow down, process, & reflect

   -- and so all can participate.

* Share accountability & leadership.

         A dialogue group is self-directing & self-facilitating.

       Follow the agreements, rituals, format, & closing time

                  -- or agree to change them.